I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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