can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
