UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
