remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
