Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
