Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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