Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FUCK WHALES
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
