Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am available for nakedness
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