i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
