She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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