I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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