You just made me feel so damn special
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize