He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
