Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
