smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
