i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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