Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
