You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
