12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
