I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
