i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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