So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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