Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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