Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
