ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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