i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
