What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
