Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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