You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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