My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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