If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
