Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
