girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
