Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
