so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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