cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
