i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
