Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
