So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
