I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
