I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
