was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
