Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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