im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
