Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
