My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize