I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
