He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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