I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
