My cat gives me a boner
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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