wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
