but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
