Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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