Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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