I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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