Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize