We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That was before I lit my hair on fire
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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