You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
