Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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