He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
