i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
