oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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