So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
