Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
