Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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