seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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