How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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