I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
