you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
