He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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