I need help removing her.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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