Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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