After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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