my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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