Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
