She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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