At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
