your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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