i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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