Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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